Why I want to be a Drug Dealer.

Once upon a time when I was too lazy to daydream that afternoon, I thought about why drug dealers always get the bad rap. Then I told my mom that I wanted to become a drug dealer. It is to me quite strange that I am the only one who seems to think that a profession providing things that make people happy or ecstatic or both would be one the most satisfying professions on this planet. If sales are good I might even consider converting my closet into a full time opium lab. I later found my mom looking for Nyquil at 2:37 in the morning, but all should go well if I could convince my ma it's a science fair project that I beat up the 6th grade kid up the block for.

Here is a list of the other careers I would be interested in:

A Food Critic
Doing nothing and bossing people around me to make me free food because my opinion means something sounds like something I would enjoy doing. And then when I did my research I found out the average food critic earns $68,000 USD a year. Doing nothing and bossing people around me to make me free food because my opinion means something earning $68,000 USD a year sounds like something I would enjoy doing.

A Sync. Diving Judge for the Olympics
Because I like to give people bad feedback for no reason, this would be an ideal profession for me. I would simply give every diver a 6.9 because it is the number that most closely resembles 69 except it looks like '9' had a little accident, and when asked why, I will say that the toenails of one diver is longer than the other's.

A Pornstar.
It is not gross. It is getting paid to do something pleasurable. Granted, I would probably have to shave my pubic hair bi-weekly to keep my crabs under control, but that is a small price to pay to be able to hand out business cards in the shape of my genitalia.

An Airport Luggage Inspector.
There is little more satisfying than being authorized to destroy somebody's luggage because you don't like the way he looks or dresses. Of course I'm alluding to subtle racism, but what isn't nowadays?

A Call Operator for Koodo Mobile.
This would give me a lot of free time as nobody uses this piece of shit.
Or it would give me a really hard time from all the stupid people using this piece of shit.

A Boss.
Once when I suffered a 48-hour concussion from riding my head into a limped street lamp, I had a dream that I worked a nine to five office job for a pharmaceutical lab doing pharmaceutical stuff to radioactive monkeys. Every morning I would wake up exactly twenty six minutes before I needed to be at work and walk in exactly twelve minutes late into work. I would then proceed to surf the internet for lesbian porn, minimizing my browsing window to the bottom quarter of my computer screen so that nobody would catch me looking at porn as the window is too small to be seen by anybody but me.
If I were the boss this would make the task much easier. In fact, I am much more qualified for his job than he is. To my understanding, his job description consists of pretending to make important phone calls, downloading pornography and distributing blame, all of which things I have years of experience doing. I would also convert my office according to Thai Feng-Shui and probably do drugs, which makes me a more productive boss than he is.

A Hot Dog Vendor
As I get hungry on the job easily, I could simply open the cart and make myself a hot dog. And when bypassers bypass by, they will see me eating my own hot dogs and think 'wow he is eating his own hot dogs, it must be good!' and then there would be no way they would bypass a hot dog from my hot dog cart.

A Journalist.
Then I can write about the types of professions I would rather to be in.





-vH